A Bleached Christmas
by ryokablade
Summary: The 12 days of Christmas...Bleach Style! Wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! UPDATED. Session one of Bleach Chirstmas Carols Singing Contest!
1. 13 Days of Captains

A Bleach Christmas  
Chapter 1: 13 days of Captains

**Author's Note: Merry Christmas Everyone!!!! Here's Chapter one:**

* * *

On the first day of Christmas Yamamoto gave to me

A nice bag of fresh green tea!

* * *

On the second day of Christmas Soifon gave to me

2 black eyes

And a nice bag of fresh green tea!

* * *

On the third day of Christmas Ichimaru gave to me

3 creepy grins

2 black eyes

And a nice bag of fresh green tea!

* * *

On the fourth day of Christmas Unohana gave to me

4 first aid kits

3 creepy grins

2 black eyes

And a nice bag of fresh green tea!

* * *

On the fifth day of Christmas Aizen gave to me

5 CONTACT LENSES!!!!!

4 first aid kits

3 creepy grins

2 black eyes

And a nice bag of fresh green tea!

* * *

On the sixth day of Christmas Byakuya gave to me

6 servants' a-running

5 CONTACT LENSES!!!!

4 first aid kits

3 creepy grins

2 black eyes

And a nice bag of fresh green tea!

* * *

On the seventh day of Christmas Komamura gave to me

7 cans of dog food

6 servants' a-running

5 CONTACT LENSES!!!!

4 first aid kits

3 creepy grins

2 black eyes

And a nice bag of fresh green tea!

* * *

On the eighth days of Christmas Kyoraku gave to me

8 long hangovers

7 cans of dog food

6 servants' a-running

5 CONTACT LENSES!!!!

4 first aid kits

3 creepy grins

2 black eyes

And a nice bag of fresh green tea!

* * *

On the ninth day of Christmas Tousen gave to me

9 justice speeches

8 long hangovers

7 cans of dog food

6 servants' a-running

5 CONTACT LENSES!!!!

4 first aid kits

3 creepy grins

2 black eyes

And a nice bag of fresh green tea!

* * *

On the tenth day of Christmas Toushiro gave to me

10 platform shoes

9 justice speeches

8 long hangovers

7 cans of dog food

6 servants' a-running

5 CONTACT LENSES!!!!

4 first aid kits

3 creepy grins

2 black eyes

And a nice bag of fresh green tea!

* * *

On the eleventh day of Christmas Kenpachi gave to me

11 severed heads

10 platform shoes

9 justice speeches

8 long hangovers

7 cans of dog food

6 servants' a-running

5 CONTACT LENSES!!!!

4 first aid kits

3 creepy grins

2 black eyes

And a nice bag of fresh green tea!

* * *

On the twelfth day of Christmas Mayuri gave to me

12 dissected bodies

11 severed heads

10 platform shoes

9 justice speeches

8 long hangovers

7 cans of dog food

6 servants' a-running

5 CONTACT LENSES!!!!

4 first aid kits

3 creepy grins

2 black eyes

And a nice bag of fresh green tea!

* * *

On the thirteenth day of Christmas Ukitake gave to me

13 bags of candy

12 dissected bodies

11 severed heads

10 platform shoes

9 justice speeches

8 long hangovers

7 cans of dog food

6 servants' a-running

5 CONTACT LENSES!!!!

4 first aid kits

3 creepy grins

2 black eyes

And a nice bag of fresh green tea!

* * *

**Author's Note: Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!!!! Happy Holidays. Next Chapter: 13 days of lieutenants!!! Hope you enjoyed and please review! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.**


	2. 13 Days of Lieutenants

A Bleached Christmas

Chapter 2: 13 Days of Lieutenants

On the first day of Christmas Sasakibe gave to me

An exploding kettle of green tea just for me!

On the second day of Christmas Omaeda gave to me

2 bags of chips

And an exploding kettle of green tea just for me!

On the third day of Christmas Kira gave to me

3 depressed sighs

2 bags of chips

And an exploding kettle of green tea just for me!

On the fourth day of Christmas Isane gave to me

4 fishcake nightmares

3 depressed sighs

2 bags of chips

And an exploding kettle of green tea just for me!

On the fifth day of Christmas Momo gave to me

5 AIZEN-SAMA'S!

4 fishcake nightmares

3 depressed sighs

2 bags of chips

And an exploding kettle of green tea just for me!

On the sixth day of Christmas Renji gave to me

6 large tattoos

5 AIZEN-SAMA'S!

4 fishcake nightmares

3 depressed sighs

2 bags of chips

And an exploding kettle of green tea just for me!

On the seventh day of Christmas Iba gave to me

7 manly poses

6 large tattoos

5 AIZEN-SAMA'S!

4 fishcake nightmares

3 depressed sighs

2 bags of chips

And an exploding kettle of green tea just for me!

On the eight day of Christmas Nanao gave to me

8 painful whacks

7 manly poses

6 large tattoos

5 AIZEN-SAMA'S!

4 fishcake nightmares

3 depressed sighs

2 bags of chips

And an exploding kettle of green tea just for me!

On the ninth day of Christmas Hisagi have to me

9 69's

8 painful whacks

7 manly poses

6 large tattoos

5 AIZEN-SAMA'S!

4 fishcake nightmares

3 depressed sighs

2 bags of chips

And an exploding kettle of green tea just for me!

On the tenth day of Christmas Rangiku gave to me

10 drunken giggles

9 69's

8 painful whacks

7 manly poses

6 large tattoos

5 AIZEN-SAMA'S!

4 fishcake nightmares

3 depressed sighs

2 bags of chips

And an exploding kettle of green tea just for me!

On the eleventh day of Christmas Yachiru gave to me

11 begs for candy

10 drunken giggles

9 69's

8 painful whacks

7 manly poses

6 large tattoos

5 AIZEN-SAMA'S!

4 fishcake nightmares

3 depressed sighs

2 bags of chips

And an exploding kettle of green tea just for me!

On the twelfth day of Christmas Nemu gave to me

12 blank stares

11 begs for candy

10 drunken giggles

9 69's

8 painful whacks

7 manly poses

6 large tattoos

5 AIZEN-SAMA'S!

4 fishcake nightmares

3 depressed sighs

2 bags of chips

And an exploding kettle of green tea just for me!

On the thirteenth day of Christmas Kaien gave to me

13 tidal waves

12 blank stares

11 begs for candy

10 drunken giggles

9 69's

8 painful whacks

7 manly poses

6 large tattoos

5 AIZEN-SAMA'S!

4 fishcake nightmares

3 depressed sighs

2 bags of chips

And an exploding kettle of green tea just for me!

**Author's Note: XD Next Chapter: 10 days of Espada. Hope you enjoyed and please review!**

**Note: We've noticed (through comments/reviews) that the phrase "69" is somehow perverted. We do not now how nor do we want to so just to let you know we referred to "69" as the tattoo on hisagi's cheek.**


	3. 10 Days of Espada

A Bleached Christmas

Chapter 3: 10 Days of Espada

**Author's Note: Hey there! Yeah, it's past Christmas, but oh well. Happy New Year of 2010!!!**

* * *

On the first day of Christmas Stark gave to me

An annoying, obnoxious, loud 'n lazy yawn!!

* * *

On the second day of Christmas Barragan gave to me

2 morning breaths

And an annoying, obnoxious, loud 'n lazy yawn!!

* * *

On the third day of Christmas Harribel gave to me

3 watermelons

2 morning breaths

And an annoying, obnoxious, loud 'n lazy yawn!!

* * *

On the fourth day of Christmas Ulquiorra gave to me

4 brand new trash cans

3 watermelons

2 morning breaths

And an annoying, obnoxious, loud 'n lazy yawn!!

* * *

On the fifth day of Christmas Nnoitra gave to me

5 PSYCHOTIC LAUGHS!!!!

4 brand new trash cans

3 watermelons

2 morning breaths

And an annoying, obnoxious, loud 'n lazy yawn!!

* * *

On the sixth day of Christmas Grimmjow gave to me

6 stabs in the neck

5 PSYCHOTIC LAUGHS!!!!

4 brand new trash cans

3 watermelons

2 morning breaths

And an annoying, obnoxious, loud 'n lazy yawn!!

* * *

On the seventh day of Christmas Zommari gave to me

7 pinkish pumpkins

6 stabs in the neck

5 PSYCHOTIC LAUGHS!!!!

4 brand new trash cans

3 watermelons

2 morning breaths

And an annoying, obnoxious, loud 'n lazy yawn!!

* * *

On the eighth day of Christmas Szayel gave to me

8 voodoo dollies

7 pinkish pumpkins

6 stabs in the neck

5 PSYCHOTIC LAUGHS!!!!

4 brand new trash cans

3 watermelons

2 morning breaths

And an annoying, obnoxious, loud 'n lazy yawn!!

* * *

On the ninth day of Christmas Aaroniero gave to me

9 tanks of...liquid O__o

8 voodoo dollies

7 pinkish pumpkins

6 stabs in the neck

5 PSYCHOTIC LAUGHS!!!!

4 brand new trash cans

3 watermelons

2 morning breaths

And an annoying, obnoxious, loud 'n lazy yawn!!

* * *

On the tenth day of Christmas Yammy gave to me

10 stupid comments

9 tanks of...liquid O__o

8 voodoo dollies

7 pinkish pumpkins

6 stabs in the neck

5 PSYCHOTIC LAUGHS!!!!

4 brand new trash cans

3 watermelons

2 morning breaths

And an annoying, obnoxious, loud 'n lazy yawn!!

* * *

**Author's Note: We know it's not the season anymore...but hope you enjoyed and please review. (Anonymous ones are welcomed) XD**


	4. Singing Contest Session 1

Chapter 4: Singing Contest Session 1

**Author's Note: Ok, every chapter will be showing 1 or 2 people singing, and you will be the judge of the winners! :D**

**Happy Holidays!**

Ichigo moaned, "Seriously? What is this? Why me?"

Rukia rolled her eyes, "For the last time, all the shinigami of the Gotei 12 want to sing, and you are the perfect judge, as shinigami representative."

Ichigo face palmed and sat down on a wooden chair by the judge table.

He looked behind himself and saw the Gotei 12 sitting on chairs behind him. He noticed that none of the high ranking shinigami here there. He flinched. Don't tell me they are all singing? He raised an eyebrow, "May I ask something?"

"What?"

"Since when did the captains' meeting room have a large stage?"

"Since they decided to build one, duh."

Ichigo grumbled as Rukia sat down next to him. He scanned his eyes across the table to see what other unfortunate people were judges.

Rukia…Orihime…Uryu…Chad….Kisuke…Kon…

Ichigo flinched, "Kon?"

Kon jumped onto the table and laughed, "That's right Ichigo!"

Ichigo moaned some more and buried his head in his arms.

"Kurosaki, it's starting!" Uryu snapped and nudged him in the side.

Ichigo sighed and looked up.

"…" He frowned, "Where is everyone?"

Orihime whispered, "Kurosaki-kun, you have to announce the name!"

Ichigo frowned, "Oh. Um first up…" He narrowed his eyes…

Suddenly his jaw dropped open.

"Ichigo!" Rukia hissed.

"Oh god…is this legal?"

"Just read it!"  
"Ok, first contestant…" Ichigo gulped, "Kenpachi Zar…AH!"

Suddenly, the side of the stage blew up, and yellow reiatsu flew everywhere as the Captain of Squad 11 jumped onstage.

Kenpachi smirked and looked around. "Come on Ichigo! Remember the deal! I win and we fight!"

"What?" Ichigo jumped to his feet, "I never…." HE stopped and creaked his head toward Kisuke, "…..you!"

Kisuke grinned slyly and began dusting off his hat that had been blown to the ground.

Rukia sweat dropped, "Well Ichigo, some captains need convincing?"

Ichigo twitched.

"HEY!" Kenpachi shouted, "I'm gonna start!"

"Ok…what will you be singing?" Chad asked in his low and quiet voice.

"I dunno. Some song Ikkaku found for me…Jingle Bells. Dashing through the whatnot…?" He said flatly pointing to the bells on his hair.

The room went silent.

Uryu pushed up his glasses, "Ah, a typical holiday song, um please begin."

Kenpachi sneered and his loud voice rumbled throughout the Seireitei…

"DASHING THROUGH INFERNO!

WITH A BLOODY AND GOREY BLADE!  
CUTTING DOWN EVERYTHING!

THAT LIES IN MY WAY!

CAN YOU FEEL THE PAIN?

THIS HUNGER FOR MY BLOOD?

O WHAT FUN IT IS TO KILL AND MAUL

A BEING EVERY DAY?

OHHHHHHH

JINGLE BELLS JINGLE BELLS  
JINGLE ALL THE WAY  
O WHAT FUN IT IS TO KILL

AND STAB AND GUT

YOU EVERYDAY!

JINGLE BELLS THIS IS HELL  
WE WILL DIE ALL WELL!  
EACH OF US LEAVING THIS WORLD  
WITH A BODY…WITHOUT…A…HEAD!"

Kenpachi smiled evilly as his song came to a close.

Ichigo dropped his pencil.

Rukia had her mouth open.

Ishida's glasses were cracked.

Orihime almost passed out.

Kisuke was holding back snickers.

Chad had widened eyes.

Kon was silent.

"Well?" Kenpachi asked with a gruff voice.

"Uh…" A unison of mumbles emerged from the judge table.

After a moment of silence, the 11th squad seated behind the judges jumped up and cheered for their wonderful captain, throwing out praises and brags.

Kon finally jumped onto the table and shouted, "YOU CALL THAT SINGIN? THAT WAS THE WOSRT THING I HAVE EVER HEARD! …..wait…what are you….AHHHH HELPPPPP!"

"Uh… excellent job taichou!" Rukia forcibly laughed, ignoring the screams of pain coming from Kon as the 11th squad chased after him in circles, obviously not happy that he insulted their captain.

Ichigo flinched, "Um…nice?"

Kisuke smiled and said, "My My Kenpachi, it suits you very well…very…creative?"

Uryu coughed and Orihime said, "Wow, that was…loud and…expressive!"

Kenpachi seemed happy with that, and didn't bother waiting for the remaining judges for make their comments as he exited the stage.

Ichigo rubbed his temples, "Great…who's next?"

Chad stood up, "I'll get you guys some tea…I guess…"

Kisuke stood up as well, "I'll get someone to clean up the broken stage…  
Uryu stood up too, "I'll get my sewing kit…"

Everyone looked at him oddly. He twitched, "I am going to fix KON!"

"Oh."

Rukia picked up the sheet of paper and read out loud, "Um…next is…Hinamori fukutaichou…"

Ichigo sighed as Chad came back with tea, "At least it won't be awkward…"

Uryu and Urahara returned to their seats as Momo stepped on stage. The crowd went silent.

Ichigo raised an eyebrow, by the curtains of the stage he saw spiky white hair peeping out.

Rukia saw it as well and explained, "Hitsugaya taichou volunteered to take fukutaichou's place, since she's not feeling so well, but Hinamori fukutaichou insisted."

Ichigo leaned back in his chair and the other judges sipped at their tea.

Orihime smiled and asked, "Hinamori-san! What will you be singing?"

Momo whispered, "Um…deck the halls…."

The crowd mumbled with approval and all sat up, waiting for the melodious voice of the lieutenant.

"Ahem…" Hinamori had red eyes for some reason, as she began to sing…

"Deck the halls with…."

Ichigo sipped at his tea.

"Rectangular glasses…"

SPIRTTTTT…every judge did a spit take simultaneously.

In the back of the stage, Toshiro face palmed.

"Fa lalalalalalalala…" She continued her song.

"Why did he have to leave our sides?

Falalalalalalalala….

Now that I feel empty inside~

Falalalalalalalala…

I really wish that he would come back

Falalalalalalalala…

See, that Ichimaru did this to us…

Falalalalalalalala…

Let us give him another chance…

Falalalalalalalala….

I…will never use hair gel again…

Falalalalalalalala….

What~were his glasses made out of?

Falalalalalalalala…"

The music continued but she stopped singing.

She looked up from her mic and at the judges…

Surprisingly, everyone forced a smile.

Ichigo: Uh…nice job…

Rukia: Good job fukutaichou!

Orihime: I liked it….ish

Kisuke: I would give that a good score!

Chad: ….

Uryu: ….impressive…?

Kon: HAHA! WAIT! WAS THAT SONG ABOUT….

Rukia leaped onto the table and slammed Kon's head into the chair.

"Haha…" She laughed nervously… "Um thanks a lot Hinamori fukutaichou!"

Ichigo scratched his head, "Yeah…um…ok…thanks I guess….next!"

Hinamori stumbled off the stage, mumbling to herself.

**Author's Note: LOL Sorry if we made Hinamori seem….pathetic…but don't take it wrong we like her too :D**

**Anyways, please review and stuff!**

**And we are taking requests for songs or next contestants~ XDDD**


	5. 8 Days of Vizards

**A Bleached Christmas**

**Chapter 5: 8 days of Vizards**

* * *

On the first day of Christmas

Shinji gave to me

A super duper ugly pharaoh mask!

* * *

On the second day of Christmas

Kensei gave to me

Two 69s

And a super duper ugly pharaoh mask!

* * *

On the third day of Christmas

Lisa gave to me

Three pervy comics

Two 69s

And a super duper ugly pharaoh mask!

* * *

On the fourth day of Christmas

Love gave to me

Four spiky afros

Three pervy comics

Two 69s

And a super duper ugly pharaoh mask!

* * *

On the fifth day of Christmas

Hiyori gave to me

FIVE PAINFUL KICKS!

Four spiky afros

Three pervy comics

Two 69s

And a super duper ugly pharaoh mask!

* * *

On the sixth day of Christmas

Hachi gave to me

Six kido barriers

FIVE PAINFUL KICKS!

Four spiky afros

Three pervy comics

Two 69s

And a super duper ugly pharaoh mask!

* * *

On the seventh day of Christmas

Mashiro gave to me

Seven childish fits

Six kido barriers

FIVE PAINFUL KICKS!

Four spiky afros

Three pervy comics

Two 69s

And a super duper ugly pharaoh mask!

* * *

On the eighth day of Christmas

Rojuro gave to me

Eight whip lashes

Seven childish fits

Six kido barriers

FIVE PAINFUL KICKS!

Four spiky afros

Three pervy comics

Two 69s

And a super duper ugly pharaoh mask!

* * *

A/N: well, hope you enjoyed. whipped this up really fast because i got fed up of studying. yay for procastination at bad times.


	6. Six Days of Xcution

A Bleached Christmas

Chapter 6: Six days of Xcution

On the first day of Christmas

Riruka gave to me

A really pink and frilly dollhouse!

* * *

On the second day of Christmas

Yukio gave to me

Two video games

A really pink and frilly dollhouse!

* * *

On the third day of Christmas

Tsukishima gave to me

Three bookmarks

Two video games

And a really pink and frilly dollhouse!

* * *

On the fourth day of Christmas

Giriko gave to me

Four pocket watches

Three bookmarks

Two video games

And a really pink and frilly dollhouse!

* * *

On the fifth day of Christmas

Jackie gave to me

FIVE CANS OF BOOT POLISH!

Four pocket watches

Three bookmarks

Two video games

And a really pink and frilly dollhouse!

* * *

On the sixth day of Christmas

Shishigawara gave to me

Six lucky rolls

FIVE CANS OF BOOT POLISH!

Four pocket watches

Three bookmarks

Two video games

And a really pink and frilly dollhouse!

* * *

A/N:Hey! Probably will be the last update for the year! I know christmas is already over, but bear with me here XD

Hope everyone reading this has a happy new year! Thank you to those who have waited for every slow update whenever we were on random hiatuses!


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